Arrr, Matey! Those Crazy Pirates Have Arrived!

By now, you've probably seen Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2, 3, 45, and 110. I watched At World's End the other night and made it through the first hour before falling sound asleep. Never did find out what happened!

There's one pirate movie guaranteed to keep you awake. I'm talking about The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, of course. Starring everyone's favorite veggie pirates: Larry the Cucumber, Mr. Lunt (a gourd) and Pa Grape, those crazy pirates are up to...well...nothing!

Just kidding -- how could they produce a full-length movie about nothing? (Oops, sorry. I was thinking about At World's End there for a second).

I saw an extended preview of The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything last July at the International Christian Retail Show in Atlanta (The Authors Who Don't Do Anything are pictured at right with the pirates -- that's Jenn Doucette, me, and Grace Fox).

And this movie is most certainly not about nothing. Well, the veggie pirates would prefer to do nothing, but they get dragged into all kinds of adventures on the high seas.

In typical VEGGIETALES fashion, this flick is witty, funny, and more than a little wacky. There are a few scary moments that will cause the under-5 set to squeal, but the frightening scenes are always immediately lightened with comic relief.

  The music adds to the appeal of the movie -- you'll be singing along with silly songs set to rollicking tunes from Steve Taylor and The Newsboys, tobyMac, and Relient K--who performs the rock rendition of the hit song, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything." (Pictured above is Peter Furler, lead singer for the Newsboys, and all the Newsboys with Steve Taylor at the movie preview).

If you've got young 'uns around the house and want some good, clean family entertainment, you won't want to miss these pirates. The movie opens today, January 11, 2008, at a theater near you.

Pictured at right: Mike Nawrocki, Pirates Director and voice of Larry the Cucumber (aka Elliot the pirate) with his adoring fan, Jenn Doucette.

Now folks, it's time to warm up those vocal chords and join me in a rousing rendition of the movie's theme song. Here, for your enjoyment, are the lyrics, as performed by Relient K)

"The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"

we are the pirates we don't do anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything

well I've never been to Greenland
and I've never been to Denver
and I've never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul
and I've never been to Moscow
and I've never been to Tampa
and I've never been to Boston in the fall

we are the pirates we don't do anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything

and I've never hoist the main sail
and I've never swabbed the poop deck
and I've never veered starboard, cause I've never sailed at all
and I've never walked the gang plank
and I've never owned a parrot.
and I've never been to Boston in the fall

we are the pirates we don't do anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything

I've never plucked a rooster
and I am not too good at ping-pong
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
and I've never kissed a chipmunk,
and I've never gotten head lice
and I have never been to Boston in the fall

(pirate captain's log 2002
who be this band relient k
and why they be so full of contradictions)

we don't know what he did
but we're down with captain kidd
we don't wake up before lunch
but we all eat captain crunch
we don't smoke, we don't chew
we watch captain kangaroo

and I've never licked a spark-plug
and I've never sniffed a stink bug
and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball
and I've never bathed in yogurt
and I don't look good in leggings
and I've never been to Boston in the fall

we are the pirates who don't do anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything

we are the pirates we don't do anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything