Post-Adoption Depression: What Causes It; How to Get Help
You've longed for a child for years. You've filled out reams of paperwork, completed multiple interviews, been fingerprinted, examined by a doctor, and visited by a social worker. You feel ready to parent.
You blissfully bring home the child you've been dreaming of. And then the bliss suddenly, inexplicably dissipates. You're left feeling overwhelmingly sad, resentful--even angry. Wondering what could possibly be wrong with you, you decide to tough it out. You wouldn't dream of admitting your feelings to anyone. After all, your extended family and friends think you're on cloud line because you finally have the child you've always wanted. And you thought you would be the perfect parent; how could you possibly confess your disappointment to others?
Why do you feel so inadequate? Why do you feel as if you're babysitting someone else's child?
These feelings are more common among new adoptive parents than you might imagine. In fact, a recent survey of 145 adopting mothers (by the Eastern European Adoption Coalition) found over 65 percent of adopting mothers were affected by Post-Adoption Depression (PAD).
Post-partum depression has been discussed for years, but Post-Adoption Depression is a relatively new phenomenon. Its onset may be directly related to the adoption process itself--parents-to-be spend so much time preparing to bring home their child and have such high expectations of falling in love with their child at first sight that they are emotionally unprepared for the realities of parenting an adopted child.
It's tricky to diagnose PAD because its symptoms mimic those of other types of depression, and many of the symptoms (including general fatigue and irritability) are experienced by almost all new parents. But generally speaking, you should seek medical help if you're experiencing the following:
- Loss of interest in being around other people
- Loss of enjoyment in life
- Excessive or inappropriate guilt
- Feelings of worthlessness or powerlessness
- On the verge of tears most of the day, every day
- Exceptionally irritable
- General fatigue or loss of energy
- Difficulty sleeping or an increased need for sleep
- Increase or decrease in appetite
- Significant weight gain or loss
- Inability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness nearly every day
- Recurring thoughts about death or suicide
When you visit your medical practitioner, you may need to acquaint your doctor with the dynamics of adoption, and also, with Post-Adoption Depression.
In her article, "Post-Adoption Depression: What to do if This Happens to You," Harriet McCarthy suggests some tips for surviving PAD:
Expect surprises, frustrations, and setbacks with your new child. Expect to be a therapeutic parent, and take as many parenting classes as you can before adopting.
Realize that bonding/attachment will take time (often, a year or longer). The roller coaster ride you go on during the adoption process doesn't end once you bring your child home. Plan for the ups and downs to continue, especially if you adopt a medically- or behaviorally-challenged child.
Seek help. Tell you adoption social worker and/or join an adoptive parent support group. Consult with your physician, as well.
Care for yourself (and your partner and other children, if you have them). Take some private time--away from your adopted child--to rejuvenate.
Eliminate all but the absolutely necessary social commitments and work pressures for as long as you can.
While 77 percent of the women from the survey reported that they suffered symptoms from two months to over a year, PAD doesn't last forever for most people. The key is seeking help.
Think of it this way: You sought help throughout the adoption process. Just because your child is now home doesn't mean you have to go it alone. If you suspect you might have PAD, ask for help. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll be able to be the kind of parent you'd always hoped.
Read these excellent articles about PAD:
"Post-Adoption Depression: What to do if This Happens to You" by Harriet McCarthy, RainbowKids.com
"Do I Love Him Yet?" by Melissa Faye Greene, Adoptive Families
"Baby Shock: Dealing With Post-Adoption Depression" by Jean MacLeod, Adoptive Families
Related post:
For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.
We adopted a three year old and we are still working on attachment and bonding issues; he is now 6. One worker we were with said that if it doesn't happen within the first six months statistically it doesn't happen. Your article was encouraging.
Blessings,
Debbie
http://realworldmartha.wordpress.com
Posted by: Debbie | Thursday, November 01, 2007 at 02:12 PM