Six Ways to Educate Others About Your Infertility

Part 2 of 2

In the previous post, I overviewed the emotional state of infertile couples, as described in Patricia Irwin Johnston’s book, Adopting After Infertility.

Today, we’ll look at six ways others can support an infertile couple. Here’s a recap of Johnston’s tips:

Information. When a well-meaning friend makes a blooper, diplomatically point it out. Every time you educate someone, “you increase the likelihood that this person’s sensitivity level will be raised to the point of her being unlikely to repeat such errors.”

Sensitivity. Be open to the pain of those close to you who mourn for you. Your parents, in particular, may feel guilty that they’ve done something to contribute to your infertility. They also mourn the loss of your genetic children.

Patience. You and your spouse have already spent a lot of time thinking through your infertility and making decisions. Your friends and family haven’t. They need time to adjust.

Openness. Don’t collect every hurtful thing about infertility everyone says to you and then let loose on everyone at the next family gathering. “Use private moments to sensitize your loved ones.

Clarity. As you inform, keep your discussions simple, brief, and factual.

Responsiveness. Once you have educated those close to you about infertility, you should be able to assume that that friend will no longer give thoughtless advice. Sometimes, says Johnston, friends see the situation even more clearly than you do. If they’re educated and thoughtful, listen to them.

Johnston concludes by saying that it’s perfectly fine to avoid baby showers and other celebrations that cause you emotional pain. How do you gracefully bow out?

Create a conflict in your schedule. You don’t have to explain what the conflict is, just extend your regrets. Holidays are tougher, admits Johnston. She advises, “Consider allowing yourself the privilege of leaving town altogether for the holidays”…tell your family that you’ve arranged a special getaway time for yourselves.

Enlist the help of a sensitive friend. Ask this person to have a quiet heart-to-heart with the offended or offensive host or guest of honor.

Her final word of caution: No matter what you do to educate them, some people will remain forever insensitive. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Avoid contact with them as much as possible.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.