A Chat with Adoption Author, Joseph Bentz

I recently finished Joseph Bentz’ novel, Cradle of Dreams, a story about the emotional upheaval one couple experiences during their journey through infertility and adoption. The novel is highly autobiographical; it mirrors the infertility and adoption experiences that Joe and his wife had. Women and men who have suffered from impaired fertility will easily relate to Paul and Laura, the novel’s main characters.

Joe Bentz is the author of five books. His most recent book (and his first non-fiction title), When God Takes Too Long, sprang out of his experiences with adoption. While the book doesn’t deal directly with adoption, it does address the spiritual aspects of waiting on God to act. Joe and his wife are the parents of two children: a son, whom they adopted domestically in July 1998, and a daughter whom they birthed in July 1999.

Joe and I chatted about his novel, Cradle of Dreams.

Laura Christianson: How closely do the experiences of Paul and Laura, the main characters in your book, parallel what happened to you and your wife?
Joe Bentz: We struggled with infertility, as that couple does. My wife and I married in 1994, when we were in our 30s, and were ready to have children right away. Infertility came as a bad surprise, because we had never imagined that it would be a problem.

(LC aside: Most of the other events that take place in the book are identical to Joe’s own experiences, but I’m not going to relate them here because I don’t want to reveal the plot.)

LC: Like Paul, I know you’re a professor of English at a California university. Like Laura, is your wife a nurse?
JB: Yes, she is.

LC: The point of view alternates between Paul and Laura. How did you manage to present both the husband’s and wife’s perspectives about infertility and adoption so effectively?
JB: I would interview my wife and ask her to tell me everything she remembered about what happened on a particular day. She’d think about it and talk about the memories and feelings associated with that day: her frustrations; her worries; the things she was happy about; the things she was angry about. I was surprised about the way my wife remembered things; she remembered them much differently than I would have expected. Certain details stood out to her that I had forgotten about.

LC: Was it difficult to revisit that time in your life?
JB: I had to go back and re-experience it to some extent. A lot of it was painful and I didn’t always want to go back. As my wife and I talked, we discussed some things that had never come up in previous conversations.

LC: In the book, Paul seemed preoccupied with the financial aspect of infertility and adoption, whereas Laura seemed willing to do just about anything to get a baby. Why did your characters differ so vastly in the manner in which they approached finances?
JB: Finances are a big part of what you have to confront in infertility and adoption. It’s easy for couples to let their emotions tell them that they want a child so much, they’ll do anything. In many books, when it comes to finances, the book keeps things vague. I made a decision to get specific about some of the costs. The risk of doing that is that the costs for infertility treatment and adoption keep going up, and readers have to account for that when they read the book. But I like to read books that go into detail about such things. Since I had those facts at my disposal, I decided to use them.

LC: In what ways did your real-life experiences differ from those of the characters in Cradle of Dreams?
JB: At one point in the book, Paul suffers a raquetball injury. In real life, doctors found melanoma – the deadliest form of skin cancer – on my leg and I had to have surgery and skin grafts about a week before we adopted. It seemed a little over the top to recount that in my book.

LC: In real life, when people decide to adopt, they usually do an extensive amount of research before choosing an adoption professional. Paul and Laura didn’t do that. Why?
JB: I streamlined things for simplicity. My wife and I looked into international adoption and attended some adoption agency orientations. We were also contacted by several (pregnant) women and were almost chosen, but the possibilities didn’t go anywhere. I left those out of the book.

LC: I think that both men and women would enjoy reading Cradle of Dreams.
JB: I hope that couples can read it and it will be meaningful to both of them in different ways.

LC: Are people who have experienced infertility and adoption your main readers?
JB: This is a book that shows what people do in times when their deepest longings are thwarted. Most people don’t anticipate infertility or adoption, and they cause you to work through things you thought you’d never have to think about. I wanted to be very honest and realistic about these subjects.

The book is not intended just to encourage people to jump into adoption – it looks at the good and the bad.  It’s not a book that you’d necessarily give to someone who is grieving a lost adoption. But it’s a book that validates your own experiences and shows you that you’re not alone in them.

To read an excerpt from Cradle of Dreams and some of my reflections about the book, please visit my Christian Adoption blog at adoption.com.

Part 1: Adoption Fiction: Cradle of Dreams
Part 2: Determining What Kind of Child You Want to Adopt

Comments

[Maxine Worthington]

A friend of mine just adopted 3 children from ethiopia and needs flashcards for English. Please tell us you can help! Also, they are accustomed to Christian music and I can't find any Ethiopian Christian Music.

[tammy]

I was just looking for someone that could answer some questions about the adoption process