Forming an Identity as an Adoptive Family

This is the first of a series of reflections about a book I’m reading: The Post Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption, by Karen J. Foli and John R. Thompson

When you adopt a child, part of your family identity is being an adoptive family. Not just any old family, but an adoptive family. While you, as an adoptive parent, see yourself simply as a parent, the world sees you as an adoptive parent first, and a parent second.

In The Post-Adoption Blues, the authors write, “People who adopt are often asked, ‘Why did you adopt?’ However, no one ever asks, ‘Why did you get pregnant?’ Somehow parenting through adoption mystifies people, as if the experience is only for the foolish or the flawed.”

That is one of the key things am learning about adoptive parenthood. People look at you a bit differently. Sometimes it’s with admiration. Sometimes it’s with contempt. Usually it’s with curiosity and genuine interest.

Curiosity and interest are good things, because they give adoptive parents the opportunity to help others understand what adoption is really like. They give us the chance to say, “Yes, part of our family identity is wrapped up in being an adoptive family. But here are some of the benefits—here are some of the things we’ve experienced and learned that we never would have understood otherwise…”

…we have the privilege of adding several new branches to our family tree, sometimes in the form of birth relatives who become an integral part of our lives.

…we have the privilege of discovering our child’s cultural heritage, and gain a greater appreciation for our child’s country of origin, and for our own nation.

…we have learned that one should never take the ability to become a parent for granted.

…we have learned to love and cherish our child, who is so different, yet so like us.

…we have learned that love doesn’t just happen, but that it’s a commitment we make to stand by our child for the rest of his or her life.

Comments

[Gwen]

Wow! I really like this post! It reflects so much of how I feel.