Birth Mother's Day

May 8 is Mother's Day in the United States. However, May 7 is unofficially known as Birth Mother's Day.  This is a day when adoptive families can honor their child's birth mother. 

My son's birth mom has told me that Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for her. It brings back memories of what could have been, and also, the reality of what is. Last year, she and I celebrated Mother's Day together by treating one another to Sunday brunch at one of our favorite restaurants.

If there's a birth mother in your life, I encourage you to remember her this Saturday. Send her flowers or a card if you can, and remind your child of the special woman who brought him/her into the world and allowed the child to join your family.

If you're a birth mother and struggle with your feelings on Mother's Day, I encourage you to reach out and share your feelings with someone. Post a comment on this blog if it helps. Journal your thoughts. Ask a friend or a pastor to pray for you. Call the child you placed for adoption if you can. Allow yourself to express your feelings -- whatever they are -- and understand that women around the world share them.

Understand, also, how much the parents of the child you placed for adoption love and admire you, and wish you God's blessing this Birth Mother's Day and every day.

Comments

[Lydia Parker]

I am 23 years old. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl January 19, 2004. I released her for adoption to a wonderful christian family. I miss her so much everyday. Mother's Day is a difficult day for me. I cant seem to find a support group to talk to so i am just putting my feelings on here. I miss her so much. I am not as angry as I was the first year. I really wish i could see her but visitations are not in the contract. I did not want to make her confused. I did this for her so that she could have a great life. I just pray that one day when she comes to find me that she wont be angry, but very happy that I was able to give her to a family who could give her such a great life. Thanks to all those who read this. Please keep me in your prayers.

[Elizabeth]

I am 24 years old. I am still constantly struggling with placing my child up for adoption over 8 years ago. My husband does not want me to continue an open adoption for the sake of our children (that we're raising). I want to continue to have a relationship with the adoptive parents and my other daughter. They mean the world to me, but I don't want to ruin my marriage either. My husband is not willing to compromise at all. The adoptive family live 12 hours away, I may see them only twice a year when I go back home to see my parents.

No one ever talks about everything a birth mother will have to encounter years down the road with her future husband & mixed feelings of being accepted for their past or being rejected for my past. I am convinced that if my husband and I were to separate and I were to meet and marry someone else, I would NEVER tell him about my other child.

And I was raped at 16, that's how I became pregnant. I was very mature and responsible. At that point in my life, I had not had my first kiss or even my first boyfriend. Which could be half of my other problem, I've never really dealt with the rape. It was always swept under the rug, even by me. All the counseling I had was for the adoption, even at the rape center.

I'm still in awe & dismay that one day in my whole life could still be affecting everything in my life today... I'm even more furious now, then I was before at the man that raped me & caused me all this pain and anguish. I thought that it was mostly over and that I could move on with my life, after the adoption was finalized & the adoptive parents were so wonderful & supportive and have always continued to be that way. They are my family too. I couldn't live without them in my lives either.