Pros and Cons of Adoption

Introduction:
This series of blogs will explore the pros and cons of various types of adoption: confidential/closed, semi-open and fully-disclosed/open; international; special needs and foster-to-adopt. Please email me your own pros and cons and I’ll add them to the list.

Part 1: Pros and Cons of Confidential or Closed Adoption

What is closed adoption?
A confidential adoption is one in which there is no contact between the birth and adoptive families. Confidential or closed adoption was commonplace from the 1950s through the early 1980s, when the concept of open adoption began gaining popularity. In a confidential adoption, the agency or adoption attorney serves as the mediator, and the adoptive family receives only non-identifying information (medical history, description of physical features, etc.) about the birth parents.

The child's safety is foremost
Confidential adoptions are an appropriate choice (and often, the only viable choice) when the birth parents are incarcerated, are drug addicted, are emotionally disturbed or have been abusive to the child. In these situations, the child has often been removed from his or her birth parents for safety reasons. The safety of the child should always be a parent’s foremost concern. If protecting a child from potentially harmful contact with his or her birth parents is a critical factor, a closed adoption is a viable choice.

Birth parents are out of the picture -- for better or for worse
Adoptive parents who choose a confidential adoption do so partly out of fear of involvement from potentially pushy birth parents. On the other hand, because they know nothing about the birth parents, the adoptive parents may have a hard time feeling empathy toward them as fellow human beings who grieve over the fact that their child is no longer in their life.

Or the adoptive parents may live in fear, always on the lookout for anyone who resembles their child, fearful that a birth parent will swoop in and steal the child. These fears are largely unfounded, as proven by the ever-increasing popularity of open adoption (see article on the pros and cons of open adoption for a different perspective).

In the past, when closed adoption was a birth parent's only option, people asserted that confidential adoption gave birth parents the opportunity to put the painful experience behind them and move on with their lives. Numerous studies show that birth parents do not ever forget the child they placed for adoption. Not knowing whether their child is healthy, happy and well-adjusted causes lifelong grief for many birth parents. Because of their lack of information about their child, birth parents are likely to second-guess their decision, forever wondering how their child is doing, whether their child hates them, or whether their child is anxious to meet them.

Some birth parents still do choose closed adoption because they do not want their pregnancy to be public knowledge and the confidentiality of closed adoption makes them feel more comfortable.

The child may be affected negatively
Adopted children seem to be the ones most negatively affected by confidential adoption. Thousands of adult adoptees born in the 1950s through ‘70s search for their birth parents, saying they feel incomplete, as if part of their identity is missing. Many adopted women search for their birth parents when they get pregnant for the first time, desiring to complete the “missing link” of their biological heritage and to obtain more complete medical information about potential health issues their own children may inherit.

Coming December 6: Pros and Cons of Semi-Open Adoption

This series on the pros and cons of adoption is also available at www.laurachristianson.com.

Comments

[Larissa Anderson]

Hi! I was adopted and I know my birth mother. She is mentally ill and doesnt like talking about my birth father. No one knows where he is but i was told that he didnt want to give me up. I want to search for him but dont know how to? I looked on 411 but I didnt find anything. any ideas???

[Ariel]

I was adopted in 1994 by my biological mother's sister. My biological mother was also adoopted by her aunt. This coused her to feel lonely and abandoned her whole life. She eventually turned to drugs and had 4 children, none of which she was capible of caring for. At my time of birth I was removed form her care and given to my biological father. My biological father was much more together than my mother he felt he couldnt give me the love that I needed. At the age of two he died from a drug related death. At theat time I went to live with my adopted family.My adopted mother and father had 6 children that my mother had birthed and not adopted. Even though most of my life that I remember was spent in the home I am in now I have always felt abandoned and alone. I often feel that compaired to my siblings that I am the one that couses all the problems. There have been times in my life that my adopted father has told me that he only adotped me because he had to. Even though I know that if it weren't for my adopted parents I would have had a very hard life and would not have been as well off as I am now I can't help but feel as if I would be much happier if I wasnt adopted. I have never been able to comunicate with any of my relitives. Most of my family thinks that I was a horrilbe horrible mistake and shouldn't have been born.

My biological mother's other children were also adopted. The oldest was an illgal adoption and chances are I will never meet him.

My youger brohter was given to another one of my aunts and although he seems happy with his adopted parents he suffers from cronic lying and cronic theft. Both are signs of adopted child syndrom, which causes a child to be unruley in hopes of getting some sort of attention to hind the fact that they feel abandoned. My younger sister was adopted to one of my uncles.

She often seems skiddish and scared. She is afraid of contacting me and my younger brother because she feels that if she is close to us than she is betraying her adopted family, even though legally she is our cousin and still family.

Throught out my intire life my biological mother has been on drugs. She tells her biological children that she loves us but all she is capible of doing is lying and hurting us. Over all even though the idea f adoption is good when carried through only causes pain.

[Alyson]

Hey - I am doing a debate on adoption... I am on the "YES" side and we believe that in the American culture, it is common for adopted children to try and contact their birth parents at some point in their life. BUT, we are suppose to also include other facts and information regarding adoption. I would like to know if there have been any studies done that show a percentage of adopted children attempt to come in contact with the birth parents and what their motives are! Thanks so much for your help - I greatly appreciate it!

Alyson

[Katrina]

Hi I have read a few of the blogs on the pros and cons. I am in a medical law and ethics course and I am doing a report on Adoption and was looking for some pros and cons, I can barely get information from my fiancee who was adopted because he would rather not know his birth parents and doesn't talk about it much. I would really appreciate some information on the pros and cons if you can help.

[amanda]

i am doing a paper on why it is better for teenagers to choose adoption over parenting or abortion, any help would be great.
thanks

[Stefanie]

I am doing a research report about adoption any information would be greatly helpful

[paige]

I am doing a speech on the pros and cons of adoption and i need a little help finding some more info on the pros and the cons

thanks

[cassie richlmayr]

Hello my name is cassie and i am doing a project on the facts of pr
and con about adoption but what i rally dont get is the important facts of adoption.well pleae write me back.

[amy]

I was adopted at birth in 1985. I think adoption is absolutely wonderful. I have the most loving caring parents ever...and I want to thank my biological mother for the courage and strength that it took for her to put me up for adoption, without it I would not have been led to the great people that I am proud to call mom and dad. While Im curious about my biological parents, I dont think I will pursue anything about them anytime soon...maybe once I am grown and have kids of my own. There are so many kids out there waiting to be adopted...so couples who cant conceive should definitely consider adopting! Its truly a gift from God.

[Mike]

I as well am doing a project, thir really helps, never delete this page!!!!

[Eric]

man im adopted im also doin a project on pros and cons and i can help you with cons just tell me the ? and ill awnser it and ill give it my best shot

[cindy]

im so confused i want to adopt so bad but iam afraid what will happen if she wants to find her family when she get older? i dont know how i will feel, i know selfish right. im also scared about how i will explainto her that she is adopted and other people can some one help!!

[jenna]

I am a adopted child, who is fourteen and I found out that my birth mother is my aunt, but I still dont know who my birth father is, how can i find out who he is?

[Lauren]

can anybody inform me a great way of finding birth parents?
Thanks :)

[Laura]

I'm doing a debate on whether or not it should be a requirement for the adopted child to know their biological parents. i was wondering if you could email me some more information about how forcing a child to meet their biological parents could negatively affect them.

Thank you,
Laura

[mellisa]

hey really like the wbsite, well im doing a project on the pros of adoption can you plz send me some information on that plz
i will really apricciate it
thank you!

[elizabeth selman]

i am adopted myself and i am for adoption but i am doing an paper for english class and i was wondering if you could please send me some information on closed adoptions and why even if you dont want names you cant get your medical records

thanks much
elizabeth