Adoption World eZine is a free e-newsletter that offers fresh content you won't find on the Exploring Adoption blog or at my web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
Each monthly issue focuses on a different adoption-related topic and contains useful tips, information, and inspiration. The Summer issue discusses adoption coaching (for birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptive families).
I've been enjoying my summer, spending lots of time with my family on camping trips. Thus, the lack of blog posts.
To celebrate my wedding anniversary, I'm having a 1-day book bash on August 21.
Here's how it works:
1. Buy The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting
2. Send me your Amazon proof-of-purchase, dated August 21, 2008, and your mailing address.
3. I'll mail you an autographed copy of The Adoption Network: Your Guide to Starting a Support System, absolutely free!
This is a $10 value, plus I pay the shipping on The Adoption Network.
Is there a catch?
Nope. Dozens of people who have received free books from me during my periodic specials will attest to the fact that I'll send your free book promptly, and I won't hassle you with a bunch of unsolicited emails.
Both my books have a 5-star rating from Amazon reviewers.
Tell everybody about this special, 1-day offer, so they can stock up on free books:
Please place the One Day Sale Ad on your own blog or Website, or to link/trackback to this post. If you have an Amazon Associates account and people buy The Adoption Decision from your Associates link, you'll earn up to 15% in referral fees for books you sell on Amazon!
To copy the ad:
Where to send your Amazon proof-of-purchase:
E-mail it to me (or send it as an attachment) with "1-Day Sale" in the Subject line: laurachristianson@hotmail.com.
OR
Send it via snail mail to Laura Christianson, PO Box 1254, Snohomish, WA 98291-1254. I'll honor any Amazon proof-of-purchase for The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting
Hope you enjoy your new books and please, write and tell me what you think of them.
My family and I have been having a wonderful summer, doing a lot of traveling and "camping" in our vacation home on wheels -- our 29' travel trailer.
We were parked at a supermarket in Tillamook, Oregon, when a man approached our pickup and snapped a picture of it. I rolled down my window and asked, "Why are you taking a picture of my truck?"
In a charming accent, he answered, "I'm from Austria. I have never seen a truck this long before."
During the past month, we've:
Now we're home. Whew. I'm getting caught up on work and we're preparing for back-to-school. Of course, our kids have grown out of every stitch of their clothing, so a trip to the mall is in order.
On my blog at HeBlogsSheBlogs.com, I've been writing about the experience of being interviewed on a TV talk show. While I was on The Harvest Show, I talked about creating an adoption support network, and a few other adoption-related issues. My segment is 16 minutes or so into the show that aired August 7. Hope you'll watch it and send me your critiques!
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U.S. men aged 18-44 years are more than twice as likely as women of the same age group to have adopted a child, according to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS).
The data come from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, conducted by NCHS. Some of the findings in the report includes:
Source:
Adoption Experiences of Women and Men and Demand for Children to Adopt by Women 18-44 Years of Age in the United States, 2002. Series 23, Number 27. 45 pp. CDC National Center for Health Statistics, Office of Communication (301) 458-4800
E-mail: nchsquery@cdc.gov
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By Coley Strickland
Guest Columnist
Coley is a birth mom and co-founder of BirthMom Buds.
While I treasure the visits I am able to have with Charlie, my birthson, through open adoption sometimes after a visit, I feel a sense of sadness and "let down." I've nicknamed these feelings "the post-visit blues."
I've also talked with other birthmothers in open adoptions who have shared with me that they too have the post-visit blues after a visit. Since I have been dealing with this for six years now, I have come up with some methods of coping that work for me and perhaps they will work for you, too.
Reprinted with permission from the author. This article was originally published in BirthMom Buds Bulletin, August 2008
In Part 1, guest columnist Beckie Stewart, a mother of four children ranging in age from 12-19, explained how her life turned topsy-turvy when she added an adopted infant to the mix.
By Beckie Stewart
One of the biggest issues I struggled with prior to adoption was the fear that I may not love my adopted child as much as my biological children. I found myself unable to share this fear with anyone but the Lord. It was discussed in some books and magazines, but not a lot.
After months of collecting all the necessary paperwork and waiting for information on an available child for us to adopt, we received a picture and short biography about a little girl from Kazakhstan, who was waiting for a forever family. The moment her picture came up on my computer, my heart pounded with excitement. I found my feelings for her were just like the day I gave birth to my other children. I knew I would sacrifice my life for this child.
That realization helped me understand how much my Heavenly Father loved me when He adopted me into His family. I can now confidently say, like Paul did in Romans 8:38-39, that I am absolutely persuaded that nothing can separate me from the love that the Father has for me.
It does not matter whether my daughter was born from my womb or not. She is my daughter, and I am her mother. Biological or adoption, being a mommy to a child is born in the heart, not in the belly.
The Lord is using this child to solidify in my heart what it truly means to love my children and to be loved by Him.
Beckie and her pastor husband, Joe, have 4 biological children and 1 adopted from Kazakhstan. They have been married 23 years and have been serving the Lord in Delavan, Illinois for the last 6 ½ years. E-mail Becky at beckiejoe@gmail.com.
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By Beckie Stewart
Guest Columnist
Choices. We make them every day. Most have little impact upon the destiny of our lives, but some significantly alter our lives forever.
The decision my husband and I made to adopt our daughter was one of those choices in my life. As a mother of four ranging in ages from 12 to 19, the option to restart our family brought obvious modifications to my lifestyle.
My daily routine once again involved diapers, bottles, bibs, and eventually potty training. Every trip from the house meant carting along the paraphernalia for caring for a little one or finding a sitter for that cherished alone time. A trip to the theater with a toddler must include popcorn to make it through the entire movie. A meal at a restaurant means high chairs, cups with lids, and an examination of the restroom facilities.
Learning from experience
However, with this choice also comes a chance to discover whether I had learned anything from my previous parenting mistakes. What techniques would I use this time to feed my fussy eater? How would I deal with sleeping issues? What action would I take when she broke into a temper tantrum in the grocery store after receiving a “no”?
I believed I would be wiser, and was shocked to realize how easy it was for me to cave in to my toddler’s loud outbursts in order to regain my peaceful atmosphere. It quickly dawned on me that this wasn’t going to be any easier the second time around. I still had a lot to learn, but was fortunate to have a husband who was stronger than me in this area. He said “no” and stuck to it, and she survived.
Remembering how quickly the years had passed, I did find that with a baby in my life, my world was filled with uninhibited cuddles, kisses, and hugs again. What a joy it has been to watch a shy, reserved infant blossom into a bubbling, outgoing toddler.
How special to have your child, who did not even understand your language, look at you and say, “Mommy, may I ask you a question?”
When I nod “yes,” she says, “I love you, Mommy? Now you ask.”
In Part 2 of this article, Beckie will explain the fear she had about whether she’d be able to love her adopted daughter as much as she loves her biological children.
Beckie and her pastor husband, Joe, have 4 biological children and 1 adopted from Kazakhstan. They have been married 23 years and have been serving the Lord in Delavan, Illinois for the last 6 ½ years. You can e-mail Beckie: beckiejoe@gmail.com
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If you'd like to learn more about adoption and adoption ministry, tune into The Harvest Show August 7, from 9-10 a.m.(Eastern). I'll be a guest on the show, and we'll be discussing my books, The Adoption Network and The Adoption Decision
The Harvest Show is filmed in South Bend, Indiana, so I get to visit the Chicago and South Bend areas for the first time. The Harvest Show is an internationally syndicated live, hour-long, daily television program. You can watch the show live on the Internet at 9 a.m. EST. The show replays at 10 p.m. EST, and 2 a.m.. See what time the show airs in your area.
Here are some other ways to access The Harvest Show:
DirecTV viewers
watching on Channel 367;
46 + million homes in North America including 13 LeSEA owned affiliate
stations;
European and African audience is at least 78 million via the Wonderful
Network;
8 million homes in Argentina on Canal Luz;
Middle East Television (METV) reaches 73 million homes in Israel and 15
surrounding nations (For complete details visit www.metv.org);
5 satellites to 1 billion shortwave radios on the planet (www.whr.org)
Far East Television (FETV) broadcasts The Harvest Show to 60% of the
world’s land mass and 80% of the earth’s inhabitants. This includes
approximately 4 billion people in Asia, Australia, all of Europe and Africa.
(For complete details visit www.FETV.tv)
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Want to win both my books, The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting
Head over to HeBlogsSheBlogs.com and read today's post: "Learn to Write Fiction Through Author Binging."
Post a comment there about your own author binges, and you'll automatically be entered to win. These books are a $25 retail value, and you could own them, absolutely free!
While you're at it, subscribe to our free monthly Bright Ideas Blogzine. Our first issue is coming out August 1. Each issue is packed with tips for improving your blogging, writing, and marketing.
Subscribe via the form in the top right corner of HeBlogsSheBlogs.com, or send a blank email to HeBlogsSheBlogs@aweber.com.
Some parents who are planning an international adoption assume that love alone will overcome the many challenges their child faced while living in an orphanage. This is usually not the case, as Beckie Stewart discovered when she adopted her 9-month-old daughter from Kazakhstan. Here, Beckie shares her story.
The Spring After Winter
By Beckie Stewart
The ice on the lake begins to thin and creaks and finally cracks. Spring follows winter and is all about new beginnings. It’s always been my favorite season, but it took on a whole new meaning when I adopted my little girl from Kazakhstan.
I brought her home during one of the coldest winters in fifty years in her country. The land had been covered with a thick blanket of white. The temperatures were frigid enough to cause icicles to form off the breath of the animals abandoned outside. If not properly covered, frostbite would grab ahold of exposed skin within five minutes.
As cold as Kazakhstan was, so was the heart of my nine-month-old daughter. The first sign of this appeared just days before she was officially declared my daughter when she slammed her head into my chest.
She was not feeling well and was tired, but did not wish to be cuddled and encouraged to sleep. Within the first six weeks home, I received two black eyes from thrown toys and scratches upon my face and neck.
Making up for lost time
I was determined to help my little girl bond and work through her pent up emotions. I had received many ideas from my adoption agency as well as books I had read prior to her adoption. I was glad I did, because I had not faced these issues with my older children whom I gave birth to.
Even though she was nine months old, the orphanage still had her on a bottle. Because their bottles were glass, they did not allow the babies to hold their own bottles. So, for the first nine months home, I kept my daughter on a bottle and did not allow her to hold it for the first three months. I held her like a nursing infant and fed the bottle to her. Due to her low iron count, I also kept her on formula for the first six months. It was difficult being criticized by other moms, but I felt she needed what was not received the first nine months of her life from me.
Encouraging touch and bonding
To encourage touch and bonding, I gave her a bath every night. Our bath routine involved massaging her with lavender lotion. I took extra time rubbing the lotion on her hands and feet. It was wonderful watching her relax. I believe this time also encouraged her sleep time.
Restful sleep
She slept twelve hours each night and took two naps each day the first three months home. I was told she was sleeping to block out the new life she did not understand. I believe this was true, but it became a restful sleep for her instead of a restless sleep like those first ten days.
The lake begins to thaw
For that first year, my daughter's heart remained as hard as a lake in winter. However, the evidence of spring has been emerging during this second year into our family.
Unless she is being told “no,” she is filled with laughter and joy.
“Smile, Mommy,” she reminds me so many times in a day. She greets all she sees with a smile and, “I’m free.” A day does not go by when you will not hear a spontaneous, “I love you.”
What fun it has been to watch this shy, timid infant blossom into a happy, carefree toddler!
Beckie Stewart is a mother of five, with her youngest adopted from Kazakhstan in January 2006. She is on the Board of Directors of Our Creator’s Hope, a ministry that raises funds to give grants to adopting families. Beckie writes devotions to encourage others at God’s Gracious Gems.
http://godsgraciousgems.blogspot.com
This article was previously published in Mommies Magazine and Christian Work At Home Moms. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Laura Christianson is accepting guest submissions for Exploring Adoption. If you have an adoption experience you'd like to share, please send it as a Word attachment to Laura. In the Subject line, write: Guest Column Submission for Exploring Adoption.
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Pam Connell, the adoption blogger at Families.com, recently featured my book, The Adoption Decision, in a post about how to tell friends and family you’re adopting.
Here are four quick tips (adapted from The Adoption Decision
1. Write it. If you feel uncomfortable announcing your intention to adopt in person or over the phone, write an announcement letter. This gives your loved ones time to absorb your emotionally loaded news without the pressure of responding instantly. Write your letter in an upbeat tone that conveys your personality and your excitement about adoption. Anticipate questions people will ask, and include a list of FAQ about adoption.
2. Blog it. Blogging is an inexpensive, interactive means of sharing you’re the latest news, posting pictures, addressing hot-button issues, and educating your supporters about adoption.
3. Gift it. Create a gift box filled with trinkets from the country from which you’re adopting (if you’re adopting domestically, you can include items representative of your own country, region, or city). Insert an announcement about your child’s pending arrival.
4. Shout it. Organize a festive occasion, complete with balloons and banners. If you anticipate opposition, invite a confidante who completely supports your adoption plan.
Excerpted from Chapter 1 of The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting
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My book, The Adoption Network, includes ideas for starting an adoption support community in a small town or small church—one where there are few foster or adoptive families. One of my low-budget recommendations is to start a resource lending library.
Gracie, a foster mom who blogs at “The Journey of a Lifetime,” took that suggestion to heart and joined BookMooch, a free, online book trading service. Gracie writes:
The only cost involved is the shipping cost of books people mooch from you. I've been able to get some of my adoption books this way, which definitely helps with the expense.
Gracie then added a cool feature to her blog: she created her own online lending library. She writes:
“Our church is small and therefore not very conducive to circulating adoption books to those outside of it. So this has become my venue for making these available to whomever I meet. I plan on writing a review on each book, and asking those who borrow a book to leave a comment on the ones they read with a short review as well.”
Gracie’s inventory currently includes the following books:
Gracie reviewed both my books on her blog. She wrote me: “Your Adoption Network book has been the best of its kind that I have found. I appreciated all the practical ideas of ways to get involved.”
Check out her reviews:
The Adoption Decision review
The Adoption Network review
Thanks, Gracie, for sharing a fantastic, workable idea for distributing adoption-related books!
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Some statistics:
Research on transracial adoption supports three main conclusions:
In other words, parents of children adopted from foster care need to abandon the “colorblind” approach – the assumption that “all kids are the same, and I’m going to ignore the fact that I’m a white parent of a black child.”
Instead, parents need to take a “color conscious” approach. They need to receive pre-adoption training that prepares them for the challenges transracial families are likely to face, and they need to intentionally help their child develop a positive sense of ethnic identity.
As you might have guessed, there’s a new research study on this topic: “Finding Families for African American Children: The Role of Race & Law in Adoption From Foster Care.” You can read the entire report at the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.
If you prefer a more conversational approach on the topic of transracial adoption and developing a healthy ethnic identity, you’ll find it in my book, The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want to Know Before Adopting
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Guest Column - This column is reprinted with permission from Mom•Logic.com.
Last month, the 5-year-old daughter of Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman died in a tragic car accident. The reports of Maria Chapman's death saddened me, not only for the loss of this beautiful little girl, but also because of the adjective most frequently used to describe her: ‘adopted.’ I understand why people feel compelled to use this term, but I speak for many adoptive parents when I say I wish that they didn't.
The instinct to describe Maria as the ‘adopted daughter’ of Steven and Mary Beth Chapman (instead of just ‘the daughter’) demonstrates that despite its increasing prevalence, adoption is still a mixed signifier: Parents who adopt are ‘heroic’ and ‘courageous,’ while the children that they bring into their homes are ‘lucky’ and ‘fortunate.’
Until you have been touched by adoption, you do not realize that it's the other way around. For this reason, I find it strange and unfortunate that the first adjective that comes to many people's minds when describing a child born in China, Russia, Guatemala or Taiwan is ‘adopted.’ Most of us don't think twice about describing our neighbors' son as ‘Jim and Pam's adopted son from Guatemala,’ but we would never in million years describe another friend's daughter as ‘Allison, who was conceived in her parent's bedroom.’ How a child enters into a family is irrelevant. What is important is that he/she is there.
Persistent use of the term demonstrates that for most population, there is an important difference between ‘adopted’ and ‘biological’ child. The difference is, in part, superficial -- based on skin color or nationality. But there's also something else that is deeper and more insidious: The notion that a parent can't fully love someone who doesn't share half of his or her DNA. I wonder how these people feel about their spouses.
MomLogic.com is an online community "for thinking moms who don't have time to think." In addition to posting topical, entertaining and relevant stories, the site features breaking news and how it affects the lives of mothers and their families in an ever-changing world. MomLogic.com is produced by Telepictures Productions, an industry-leading producer of syndicated programming and winner of 49 Daytime Emmy Awards.
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World, my free monthly eZine! Just send a blank email to adoptionworld@aweber.com
Cynthia Peck, who writes the blog, "Family Building: From Where I Sit," recommended a couple of orphan care programs, started by retired founders of their own international adoption programs.
Cynthia writes:
"My special interest in these two programs stems from the fact that international adoption agency bashing as “big business” is a favorite occupation of the media today. In my experience, responsible agencies that have been around for a while are inspirationally dedicated to giving back to children for whom international adoption--which is available only to a tiny percent of the world’s orphaned population--is only a dream.
The Degenhardt Foundation
www.degenhardtfoundation.org/index.html
Dawn Degenhardt has been dedicated to bringing children and families together through adoption for more than 30 years. While living in Cleveland, Ohio, she co-founded the Ohio chapter of COAC (Council on Adoptable Children) and was a pioneer in changing the foster care/adoption system.
Dawn also co-founded Spaulding of Beechbrook, which is still in existence today placing special needs children. After moving back to her home state of Maine, she founded an internationally recognized adoption agency, which has placed more than 4,000 children. Dawn's concern for children still in orphanages around the world prompted the development of many humanitarian aid projects.
Wanting to devote her energy to this issue after retirement, Dawn, with family and friends, created The Degenhardt Foundation. Dawn and her husband Ed are the parents of nine adopted children, now grown with their own families.
The foundation's current focus is on humanitarian aid projects in Vietnam.
Alliance for Children Foundation
www.afcfoundation.org
The Alliance for Children Foundation is an international relief organization dedicated to improving the physical and emotional well being of abandoned children living in orphanages in Asia, Eastern Europe and Latin America.
Started four years ago by Filis Casey (founder of Alliance for Children in Waltham, MA). the Foundation's projects in medical care, basic needs, and education seek to heal, strengthen and empower the world's most vulnerable children, especially those who are less likely to be adopted due to age or special needs.
One of their most significant efforts has been the establishment of villages for foster parents who are trained and paid to provide care of up to 6 children with disabilities. Filis Casey developed this program as a joint venture with officials in several provinces who contribute the ongoing supervision of the families.
Other posts in the Orphan Care series:
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Most picture books about adoption are told from the perspective of the adoptive parent, Letter of Love from China
Geared for children ages 4-8, this book helps girls adopted from China understand some of the reasons why their birth family may have relinquished them. The narrative explains (in an age-appropriate manner) China’s one-child policy and the poverty many villagers experience.
The story provides glimpses into the heart of a birth mother who loves her child and seeks to give her child a chance “to live a better life.” The narrative begins with the birth of the child and traces the birth mother’s journey to a children’s home in a nearby city, where she leaves her daughter, in hopes that a family from another country will adopt her.
The second half of the book introduces the adopted child to the land of her birth, sharing details about China’s natural beauty and its important holidays and festivals.
The story concludes by assuring the reader that her birth mother in China thinks of her daily, loves her, and will never forget her.
Letter of Love from China, by Bonnie Cuzzolino (adoptive mom)
Illustrated by Jax Bennett
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